For my coursework i have to write a poem, its based on the novel the road?

Could you tell me what you think of my poem please remember its only for coursework and its got the idea of the novel the road please dont be mean but be honest and could you suggest what i could change :::::
I remember the day, when god closed his eyes,
When the devil charmed him to a deep sleep
how everything fell apart
when the devil ascended to earth and stole our heart and souls.
Trapped by fear with nowhere to run,
Forests burnt with hurried haste; there was no hiding in this darkened place.
Cities fell with each passing day as did our hope for our failing race,
the night would come for the weary travellers, most would rest, and others wouldn’t wake.
Flakes of snow each one individual would fall like glimmers of hope,
sent down from heaven, by the angels to watch us from above,
The sun would rise and the sun would fall,
A new day began, but nothing changed;
It’s hard to believe that beauty once existed;
How a bee would dance carefree, flying from tree to tree,
No sound is made, there is no dancing bee, and nothing can ever be carefree.
Birds roamed the skies, watching over mankind,
Ash now roams the skies, no one cares about mankind;
We sit round the fire, the colours danced in the fire, tonight we hoped god was listening, we prayed prayed for god to hear our cries, our cries for death
Rumours of freedom passed through our ears,
Heading south was our only hope.
The trees we strived to keep alive lie broken, upon the ash ridden ground
Fugitives in our country, hiding from your ancestors.
We have forgotten why this hurt has happened; it has gone on too long.
Our bodies so weak, our bones on show, so hungry for food.
Natural beauty lined the sky, a parade of colours reds, blues, and greens;
this was something the devil couldn’t wipe from existence.
We travelled along the lonesome road passing the weak,
Passing the once sweet smelling grass now dead and black,
The once bright and vibrant amusement arcade stood dead and ruined
We could hear echoes of the tunes from the rotten band stand .
How I wanted to dance to forget the hurt, to hear music again would let me die happy but
the sea is now grey, and angry with us.
It crashes down upon the beaten sand to wash away the graves,
Picnic benches that once held families so joyful, no worries when the next meal would come,
Families dead in each other arms, they died in their sleep, escaped from the worries.
The dark snuck in, the beach was where we couldn’t hide from your ancestors,
nowhere was truly safe.
Flashbacks of times at the beach, kept our spirits high,
I shut my eyes, reminiscing the smells of the barbeques, the laughs of the children, the crashing of the waves, if only I was back in time.
Ships, boats and yachts get thrown around like a cat with yarn.
We couldn’t hear any sound, no one to speak to again.
To hear a bird chirp, to see a butterfly fly would complete my life before god helps me
its time to leave this world, and say goodbye.
No time left in my life.
I remember the day when god opened his eyes
It was too late, to turn back time.






Answer :
I have to admit I haven't read the whole thing....and this is the poem's major fault....as they say 'It goes on a bit'
However, what I have read is excellent and it captures the novel well (I know because I've just read it)

I think you could finish the poem before you get to the particulars - you could finish on

It crashes down upon the beaten sand
and washes away the unattended graves.
We are the last. After us nothing will remain (or something, just to round it off)
....don't throw out the end, though, don't ever throw anything away - put it aside you can use it for another poem.