What do you think of my poem please b honest?

I remember the day, when god shut his eyes.
How everything fell apart
When the devil ascended to earth and stole our souls
Trapped by fear with nowhere to run
Forests burnt with hurried haste; there was no hiding in this darkened place
Cities fell with each passing day as did our hope for our failing race
The night would come for the weary travellers, most would rest, and others wouldn’t wake
Snow would fall like glimmers of hope sent down from heaven, to watch us from above
The sun would rise and the sun would fall
A new day began, but nothing changed
It’s hard to believe that beauty once existed
How a bee would dance carefree, flying from tree to tree
No sound is made, there is no dancing bee, and nothing can ever be carefree
Barks from dogs restrained by power
No barking is done, no dogs survived, killed by power
Birds roamed the skies, watching over mankind
Ash now roams the skies, no one cares about mankind.
We sit round a fire, praying for death.
It’s easier than living in fear
Rumours of freedom passed through our ears
Heading to the south could be our only hope
The trees we strived to keep alive lie broken, upon the ash ridden ground
Fugitives in our country, hiding from you
We have forgotten why this hurt has happened; it has gone on too long
Our bodies so weak, our bones on show, so hungry for food
You had no compassion for the weak you hunted us down like dogs.
Some of us died like dogs, dead for your dinner.
Natural beauty lined the sky, a parade of colours reds, blues, and greens
This was something the devil couldn’t wipe from existence
We travelled along the lonesome road passing the weak
Passing the burnt out black grass
I remember the sweet smell of the newly cut grass
When the smell swept through my nostrils’ letting me remember it forever
The once bright and vibrant amusement arcade stood dead and ruined in the ground
Like the dying oak tree in the abandoned grave yard
We could hear echoes of the tunes from the rotten band stand
How I wanted to dance to forget the hurt, to hear music again would let me die happy
We could hear the sea crashing down upon the beaten sand
We had made it
Picnic benches that once held families so joyful, no worries when the next meal would come
Families dead in each other arms, they died in their sleep escaped from the worries
The sea once clear blue, and calm
The sea is now grey, and so mad with us it crashes down to try and clean the sand of death
The dark snuck in, the beach was where we couldn’t hide from you
Nowhere was truly safe
Flashbacks of times at the beach, kept our spirits high
Ships, boats and yachts get thrown around like a cat with yarn
We couldn’t hear any sound, no one to speak to again
To hear a bird chirp, to see a butterfly fly would complete my life before I die
Time to leave this life, time to say good bye, you’re after us, we have to leave
I remember the day when god opened his eyes
It was too late, to turn back time.






Answer :
Some good poetic ideas here, but my, you do go on.
I would go through taking out repetition and unnecessary words.
Third to last line: the first five words say it all; the rest is waffle.
Try shortening some lines for effect, eg.:

The sea is now grey, and so mad
With us it crashes down
To try and clean the sand of death

"Less is more" is a useful rule of thumb in poetry.
A few precise and well-chosen words work better than pulling out all the stops.






Answer :
Depressing, Boring, Rambling.Not for me.